Wedding Traditions that Are Out (and what’s “in")

The Scoop on marriage Traditions

Traditions vary from culture to culture and are beautiful ways for us to honor those who came before us by taking a little piece of them down the aisle. Things take on a new form as the years go by and some rituals that were once seen as tradition start to feel unnecessary. After more than 8 years in the wedding industry, I’ve seen some once-loved traditions fade into the background or even become obsolete altogether. Some get lost due to how we structure our timelines now, some are because they were weird to begin with, and others still are fads that may not fit our modern world. In Kansas City, Missouri these are some of the items my midwest brides and grooms are leaving on the table and how they’ve brought in new traditions that honor their love story.

Bouquet Toss

I could count on one hand the times I’ve had a bride do a bouquet toss in the last five years. It quite simply is just “out.” Florals are expensive, couples have already-married friends so the “single ladies only” crowd is too small, and our guests just aren’t as competitive as crazy videos of these tosses lead you to believe. The new thing that is “in” for a bouquet toss is giving it to someone you’d like to honor (a mom, a grandparent, a dear friend). Most often times I see them re-purposed as decoration for the head table to save a little on floral-scapes. If you are still doing a toss, a fake floral bouquet is the way to go. It’s more aerodynamic (read: safe and affordable) and can still be a fun dance floor activity break.

Garter Toss

I think we’ve all decided this just gets weird really quickly. The cringey-er, the more you’ve succeeded in making it a memorable show. If you’re not an extroverted couple who basks in the showmanship of a garter toss, it may be better to use your party time for better crowd-pleasers. While there’s no direct replacement for this wedding tradition. I’m sure your DJ cam suggest a fun party game instead.

A groom looking for the garter on his bride’s leg during a reception game.

Head Tables

We love ‘em, but there’s a new favorite in town and it’s called the Sweetheart Table. After a long day of togetherness with your extensive wedding party and family, dinner is a couple’s chance to catch up and enjoy some food and drink before getting back to the mingling. This is also sometimes the better option if your wedding party is large, or if members in your wedding party have plus ones who are sitting out at tables alone. Instead of one long head table, letting them join their family and friends lets them socialize with their loved ones and creates a better dinner-talk environment. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried talking to someone 3 people down sitting on the same side of a table, but it can really limit your discussion capabilities!

Veils

Traditionally a way to ward evil spirits, a veil’s main purpose is now built out of fashion and elegance. You do not need a veil! If it doesn’t fit your vibe, if it is a sensory overload, or it’s an expense that you can’t justify, then lose it, girlfriend! Instead, might I suggest a mini veil during your engagement session, or a playful one for the dance floor? Or maybe just have one for the photo booth and guests can play around with it and those big goofy glasses! While I think it’s great to at least try a veil, since it’s really the one and only occasion you can play with this fashion phenomenon, don’t feel pressured into one. More and more brides are going without and couldn’t look more radiant!

Separate Flay-Lays

Flat lays are a modern addition to a wedding gallery as a way to do a macro study on all of those tiny details that tell your love story. The invitations, the florals, the shoes: you’ve put a lot of thought into these items and you want to remember them! During the time of 35mm film, you would not be wasting it on a flat lay, however with the joys of a digital age, it’s become more and more of a focus, with many photographers allowing 30-40mins for these details (among others). Many couples are opting to do one big flat lay to save time and to combine these little treasures into one design.

No-First Look

This tradition is still a 50/50 split in the wedding world with some couples prioritizing getting one on one photos done beforehand with others still waiting to preserve that “see you down the aisle” romance. Pros to having a first look include: completing wedding party photos, potential to do immediate family photos together before ceremony, not feeling as stressed from lack of togetherness, and experiencing more of your day together instead of alone. Pros to waiting to see each other at the end of the aisle include: maximum tears, the build up of anticipation, private reflection before ceremony, and focusing on that time with your wedding party members. A good photographer can get 90% of all of your photos done before ceremony even without a first look, provided they have some extra time to do so. Ask them to shoot your wedding party individuals and small group combos ahead of time, and to do personal portraits of you and your partner in your wardrobe, in separate spaces. Bonus points if you hire a second photographer so they can divide and conquer and keep the day rolling!